It was awful. 

I honestly thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with; so I was completely blindsided when I discovered that my now-ex-husband was having an affair with my now-ex-friend. 

I’m not generally a crier, but I cried and cried. In fact, I wailed. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, and the weight melted off me.

Of course, the day that I found out ranked at the time as easily the worst day of my life.

But you know what? Even during the worst of it, I sort of knew that it was also going to be the best day of my life. Because the marriage clearly wasn’t as strong as I had thought it was, and he wasn’t who I thought he was. (And, I would add, I deserve my fair share of responsibility; I likely wasn’t who he thought I was, or who he wished I was, and we had married too young.)

I was right: That day does now rank as one of the best days of my life. Because it was a foundational moment for me and the start of a new direction. 

Without that day, I never would have met my forever husband, I never would have had my two kids, and I probably wouldn’t have had my six cats.*

And — importantly — I don’t see how I'd have founded Ellevest; my life would have been so different than it has been, such that the experiences and insights and knowledge simply would not have come together in the same way to lead from there to here.

The one thing I wish I’d had: more support. Yes, I found a fine lawyer, but I was pretty much on my own when it came to divorce money questions and planning for life post-divorce. Because he had controlled the money (I know, very unlike me) — and since trust had been broken — this was a major, major source of stress. On top of that, I had just accepted a job that I really didn’t want, because that’s what had made sense for us as a couple. 

Could I afford to leave that job? How much downsizing would I have to do? How much could I spend? And so, how different was my life going to be? I intuitively knew that women lose more wealth in a divorce than men do, but it hits different to read the words than to all-of-a-sudden be staring it in the face. The only real option was to speak to your dad’s financial advisor — if your dad had a financial advisor. And when I did, he hardly understood what I was going through. On any level. 

I know some number of you are going through a divorce right now, or have a sister or cousin or niece or friend or mom who is. Early January is, in fact, peak separation and divorce season, coming off of the holidays. 

It’s for women like you, and women like them, and honestly, women like me, that Ellevest is introducing a divorce financial planning package to help you plan for a positive outcome. 

It’s truly the support I wish I had: An all-women team of pros uniquely qualified to help you reclaim your financial future. Enter Ellevest’s new divorce financial planning package.

Crucially, our team will meet you with empathy. They’ll get you through all the tough stuff without judgment, because Ellevest gets divorce inequality. We know women have different experiences, different lifespans, and (traditionally) different outcomes. And we’re here to help you prepare and plan with confidence for a fabulous life on the other side. That includes helping to secure a fair settlement and building a financial plan for the next chapters of your life (our team is certified in financial planning and divorce financial planning). 

And if you need to feel a little better right away, you can also get started with a complimentary 15-minute call.

This financial guidance offering joins our Homebuying Strategy Session and our Retirement Planning Session to help you navigate the major milestones in your life. (With more to come soon!) 

To those with divorce in the picture: You’ve got this. It may not feel like it right now, but you’ve got this. And we’ve got you.