The financial industry was built for men. We say this a lot, but implicit in its meaning is that the financial industry was built for straight, white men. So much of common financial advice, especially for couples, assumes heterosexuality as the standard. (Much like, you know, most things in the world.)

But it shouldn’t. It was only very recently that same-sex marriage was legalized in the United States — and marital status can have a major impact on your finances.  

So there can’t be a one-size-fits-all approach to financial planning for all couples because the lives of LQBTQIA+ people are just different — which means they have different financial needs and realities. (And, to be honest, that’s why we work at Ellevest. Because Ellevest was built for the people the traditional financial industry leaves behind.)  

If you’re joining your life with someone else — no matter how you or they identify — we encourage having money convos early and often. But there are a couple of conversations that are especially important for LGBQTIA+ couples. Here are five things to talk about with your partner (and your financial planner), ASAP. 

1. Will you be my [ ___ ]?

The marriage convo has to come sooner or later, because it has major financial implications for both of you. It’s important to have the conversation early on: Do you want to get legally married? Are you interested in domestic partnership? Or, do you want to do away with the legal designations?

These questions will impact pretty much everything you share financially: estate planning, health care, tax planning, and more. 

2. Don’t overlook estate planning

Estate planning is for everyone. And we mean everyone. But it’s especially important for LGBTQIA+ couples, due in part to the Marriage Equality Act, which passed in 2015. (Not even a decade ago!) This law simplified estate planning for LGTBQIA+ couples who were looking to get married — for example, LGTBQIA+ widows wouldn’t have to pay taxes when assets pass from spouse to spouse. They would also receive the assets much quicker. 

However, there are still some things to keep in mind. A couple’s marriage date is taken into heavy consideration during the distribution of an estate. But if you got married after 2015, the court may not recognize the years or decades you spent together before then. It’s important to document when your relationship started.

Together, you should review where your assets are going after death, shared or unshared, especially if one or both of you don’t have an active relationship with your immediate family. If you are unmarried, what protections do you need to put in place? The court may not recognize your partner as next of kin even if you’ve built your life together — that’s where an estate plan is really handy. 

Regardless of sexual orientation, all couples should have an estate plan. (BTW, we have a workshop coming up that will go over all the basics.)

3. What kind of health coverage do you both need?

If you’re unmarried 

Some health plans recognize Registered Domestic Partners (RDPs). Others, however, may not. Together, you’ll want to explore what makes the most sense for you. Is it two health plans? Is it one singular family plan? If you have children, who goes under which partner’s health plan and how do you share the expense?

In any case, it’s always helpful to have a healthy emergency fund for whatever life throws your way. 

If you’re married 

Health care companies in the US are legally required to provide the same health care benefits to married same-sex couples as they do for opposite-sex spouses. It doesn’t matter where you live or where the insurance company is located. 

That said, while most employer-provided health care covers married couples, you may want to review the options carefully, especially given specific needs like fertility treatments, gender affirmation procedures, and hormonal therapy. (But more on that in the next section.) 

4. How big do you want to grow your family?

A family can be two people, of course, but if you’re planning on adding little ones to your life, you’re going to want to talk about‌ it. Because family planning is financial planning.

Whether it’s IVF, surrogacy, or adoption, building a family can cost you. The average cost of IVF is anywhere between $12,400 to $30,000; surrogacy can range anywhere from $100,000 to $200,000; and adoption averages between $20,000 to $45,000. 

When people ask us when they should start saving up for building a family, our answer is: as soon as you start to even consider it. Even if you’re on the fence. You want to keep your options open — and lack of funds can severely impact your family-building plans. (And if you decide not to, well, you have a nice little nest egg to put toward that vacation home instead.) 

Together, you’ll want to talk about which route you want to take and go from there. There are, of course, a number of other factors at play: whether you or your partner have employer-provided insurance, for example, or if one of you can carry the baby. 

Regardless, you’ll want to talk about how you want to save up for your potential offspring — not just for their birth, but for after as well. The average cost of raising a child in the US is $300,000. 

5. Time to talk about the gender (and LGTBQIA+) pay gap

The gender pay gap (and the gender wealth gap) is real. (No matter what straight white men have to say about it.) It’s real for LGBTQIA+ folks, too. According to the Human Rights Campaign, LGBTQIA+ workers make 90 cents for every dollar the typical worker earns; that number goes lower when you breakout people of color. 

So if you’re part of an LGBTQIA+ couple, you may be doubly impacted by these inequities. (Especially if you both identify as women.) You should have a financial plan that takes into account these realities, and offsets the wage gap so you can both meet your long-term goals (like homebuying and retirement). 

This means talking to each other frankly about money and getting a financial planner who understands your specific news and realities. 

In addition to these questions, you may want to ask: 

• Do you have other LGBTQIA+ clients?

• If so, what was your experience with them? What did you do differently for them than you did for your opposite-sex clients?

• If you haven’t worked with LGBTQ+ clients before, what would you do differently?

At Ellevest, our financial planners and financial advisors are all women, from a wide range of backgrounds and experiences, and are uniquely equipped to guide you through all life stages with expertise and empathy. Whether that’s marriage, family-building, divorce, retirement — or whatever else life throws your way. You know where to find us.

Disclosures