The time after divorce or a breakup is maybe when it’s the most difficult for women to feel confident about their finances. And there are really valid (really unfair) reasons for this.
Mental and emotional expenses aside, it’s a fact that ending a relationship disproportionately affects women’s money negatively (after divorce, women’s finances decrease by a sobering 41%). But that doesn’t mean that it has to stay that way. It’s entirely possible to take steps to feel more in charge of your finances — and, in turn, feel more in charge of your life.
Just take it from women who’ve been there from the Ellevest community.
These women prove that there’s always something you can do after divorce or a breakup to feel more in control. And that’s using the financial power you have on yourself. Spending or investing your money for you, without guilt or restrictions, is liberating at the best of times. After divorce or a breakup, it’s incredibly significant. You’re not only showing yourself that you can take action with your money solo. You also show yourself that taking action with your money feels good (especially if it’s a kind of f**k-you money move).
Easier said than done? Of course. But women like you are showing that it’s possible. Here are 30 ways members of the Ellevest community boosted their confidence after divorce or a breakup by using their financial power however they damn well please.*
Financial power moves and f**k-you flexes after divorce
My husband cheated on me with my best friend. So I kicked him out. Then I took a chunk of the money I’d been saving for *our* future home and I bought myself a bunch of new, beautiful clothes. I realized I hadn’t bought myself new clothes in years because of how much he judged me whenever I made what he thought was an “unnecessary” purchase. So, upgrading my wardrobe felt like upgrading my armor. I’ve been knocked down, but I'll get back up. And I’ll look damn good doing it.
My ex-husband didn’t believe in investing and I did. When we divorced, I took half the money and put a down payment on a house (that I love) and the other half I invested in the market for both me and my daughter. So I'll teach her about compound interest young and never let a man tell her she doesn’t understand money.
When my first husband left and asked for a divorce, I ditched my Toyota Prius for a BMW X3.
I sold my wedding ring at auction and bought an SUV. Now my son and I cruise around in safety and a bit of luxury with the tunes blasting.
I sold the car my ex bought me and used the proceeds to fund a car I chose for myself. It symbolized making my own choices and deciding what I want for myself, rather than letting someone else choose for me.
After my divorce, I had to buy my ex-husband out of his half of the house to maintain ownership of it. I took out an extra $20k to purchase the upgraded HVAC system I'd been asking for for 10+ YEARS and invested in new insulation. This made my home more comfortable and energy efficient immediately. It's important to ME that my home is my castle and my safe place. Taking care of it is all on me, and I love the feeling of power and control that it gives me.
I have stock in a company that fired my ex-husband.
I divorced my jobless husband who I supported for years and put the money I used to spend on him into revenge travel.
I felt liberated when buying new furniture for my apartment after a divorce.
After my divorce, there were a few purchases my ex would consider unnecessary that I’d been wanting to make but didn’t. The most notable one was upgrading my dingy bike for a Brompton.
After my divorce about 15 years ago, I bought a few low-priced household items that my ex-husband thought were ridiculous.
A couple of years after my 30-year marriage unexpectedly ended in divorce, I purchased a convertible Porsche Boxster. It was the most liberating experience I've ever had. No one else was there to tell me “no, you can't have that” and the partner I am with now even flew out of state with me to drive it back, next to me in the passenger seat! I did all the negotiating and he was by my side encouraging me to do whatever I wanted! Hasn't history shown us that this is something a man would have done? And now all my extra money goes into investing on my own terms.
I had no control over the money I made when I was with my ex, and when I refused I was served with a lot of abuse. Right after I divorced him, I bought an apartment for myself — one of the best investments ever, plus traveled solo for a while.
I grew up with wonderful, loving parents who lived paycheck to paycheck. As an adult, I knew I didn't want to pass on that legacy to my son. After a marriage stained by financial abuse and career stalling, I filed for divorce in a community-property state and got my half of the hidden money. I now make six figures and am on track to retire with millions. That's a legacy I'm proud of.
Investing was one of the things I did not bother to learn much about while married, but I tackled it after my divorce. It makes me feel like I have control over my financial future.
I’m constantly buying anything I want to feel powerful after a horrible divorce from someone that didn’t allow me to manage my money.
Financial power moves and f**k-you flexes after a breakup
I used my first paycheck to buy a new mattress to reclaim space after an abusive relationship. It was worth every penny.
After breaking off a bad relationship, buying things that I wanted to create my own space felt like getting parts of myself back, even if it was just a lamp and a table.
I was living with a boyfriend who broke up with me out of the blue. I decided to move out and get a fresh start. I had to pay my old rent for a few months (and some of his because he was a mess) but it was totally worth it to be somewhere where I could start healing and live my life.
Having money to leave a negative situation is the ultimate freedom and best money I ever spent. Living in a home that was bringing down my mental health, and being able to pack my stuff and purchase a rental car to move back home. It was the freedom to not even think twice about the financial aspect of this move that was liberating. I broke a lease and didn't think twice about this decision because I knew the money I set aside for these instances was there and designated for that purpose.
After a bad breakup where we lived together, I had to start looking for my own apartment and had never lived alone, so I decided to take my savings and some money I had invested to buy an apartment so I would have my own home. It was amazingly empowering!
I used my money to invest in IVF. I want a kid, and that holds true even without a partner.
I dated an investor who made me feel invisible. No one can make you feel anything without your consent — I know. But this guy brushed off my career as my “little hobby.” We broke up (go me). When I became Head of Strategy at the top design firm in New York City, I bought a bottle of ridiculously expensive champagne with my first paycheck. I popped that bad boy on my stoop and toasted to myself.
After a horrible four-year relationship where I lost my sense of self, I bought myself four Prada products because I didn’t treat myself to anything during those four years.
About ten years ago I briefly dated a guy I knew I wasn't really into, and when I finally ended things, I was so happy I did something I never do: I immediately went and bought two very nice dresses at Anthropologie (on sale, but of course, still expensive for an intern's salary) for events I had coming up. I still love breaking them out for fancy nights to this day!
After I went through a horrible breakup that left me high and dry, I applied for an educational program that I had been wanting to do for YEARS that my partner at the time talked me out of. I was accepted and moved locations to attend, and it completely changed my life.
I dumped an emotionally neglectful partner and days later I began investing. I finally started to treat my relationship with money like a romantic relationship. It needs time and energy to grow!
I once got stood up for a first date and bought a skateboard after. Did I ever use it? No. But I did donate it and all the damn good vibes that came with it.
After a breakup, I bought myself a ring that I always wanted from Tiffany. I wear it every single day and it reminds me of my strength. I'm also proud that I've worked hard and can buy myself something nice instead of waiting around to have a partner buy it for me.
After a series of bad relationships and bad breakups, I bought myself the diamond ring!
Wherever you are in your breakup or divorce process, Ellevest can help you plan for a positive outcome. Start with a complimentary call. One of our experts will get to know a bit about you and your unique finances, then point you in the right direction based on your needs.